Greeting Cards That Kick@$$

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May 26, 2017

By John Sammon

 

June 18 is Father’s Day and so it’s time to thank and venerate good old Dad, the man who took sexual advantage of your mother (hopefully with her consent), which resulted in you being here.

Fathers are many things, mentors, guidance counselors, stern task masters, best buddies, icons, inspirations, and yes at times, selfish ignorant morons.

We’re all human.

Remember that time you were out playing with your boyhood friend when you were a boy and the two of you had been arguing about who lost the baseball and your father came up and you thought it would be a good time to whip the other boy’s ass—- in front of your father—to impress your father.The other boy was smaller than you so you thought it would be easy.

Instead, the other boy started whipping your ass right in front of your father. Not only did you show your father you’re a wimp, you even screamed while you were on the ground and the other boy was sitting on top of you and you begged your father to help you whip the other boy’s ass.

In other words, you’re a coward too.

Your father refused to help and let you get your ass whipped.

Now that’s an example of teaching you a valuable lesson about the world. It’s clear. Next time be more careful about choosing an intended victim.

Fathers can be very generous.

Remember the time as a teenager you were sneaking liquor out of your parent’s liquor cabinet to get a little high and your mother suspected it and marked the liquor bottles with lipstick to measure the levels and when the levels went down they caught you drinking the booze.

Your dad said, “I don’t care if you drink booze, just don’t drink my booze.”

Yes, fathers can also be wise and good guys too.

You thought of doing an ambitious middle school project as a13-year-old, a relief-map depicting California made of Papier-mache that like clay after being molded onto a wooden board would harden. The depiction of the state you would paint to show the snowcapped peaks of the Sierra Mountains, the desert valleys (colored brown) and the green rolling hills.

Your father when he heard the idea said, “Okay go and make a fool of yourself see if I care you’re the one who’s going to look like a fool it won’t work it will never work it’s just a bad idea and I don’t want to hear about it.”

You went ahead and did it anyway. Your project won first prize at the school science fair.

At night on the way down the hallway in your home you heard your father tell your mother behind a closed door “You see how wrong I can be.” He couldn’t tell you this to your face because it would show he was fallible which you already knew anyway.

Nevertheless despite their sometimes shortcomings, dads were often there for us because they loved us, and they wanted the best for us.

For example, when you broke your arm high jumping at school your father took you to the hospital and then wheeled you away from a corpse coming out of the hospital emergency room door on a stretcher because your dad didn’t want you to see the body. When you developed an interest in radio your father searched all over town to buy you a short-wave radio that had been in the U.S.Army during World War II, and how you loved that radio. It had big giant glass tubes that when you turned it on lit up like a Christmas tree and made all sorts of funny sounds.

You could listen to the BBC from London on it.

Your father paid to have your teeth straightened so you wouldn’t look like a squirrel which would allow you to get a girlfriend even though your dad grumbled about it, saying, “Every time I take you there the orthodontist tightens the screws on your braces three turns it takes three minutes and 300 more dollars comes out of my pocket.”

Dad helped you buy your first car.

Much later when you were a grownup and told him how proud you were of him, tears came into his eyes and you thought your father would never open up to cry in front of you.

If you can’t tell your father outright to his face you love him you can do so with a MemoryTag greeting card. Simply pick the card that has a written message you want to convey like one that shows a fisherman with the slogan, “You’re quite a catch Dad!“ It’s only $2.99. Then you can use your smartphone to download the MemoryTag app and record a video message for your father, and place the video on the small patch on the card. Dad also downloads the app, opens and reads the card, and with his smartphone views your message.

It might be time to say something personal to your father you always wanted to say, but Dad is perhaps a reserved man with whom it’s difficult to express emotion. The card is the perfect vehicle. It can express the love you have for your dad for you.

Or if Dad is gregarious and outgoing, you give him the card and he views the message and then you give him a big smacking kiss on the cheek.

Whatever you decide Dad will always cherish the moment. View Father’s Day cards on the MemoryTag website at https://memorytag.cards/collections/fathers-day.


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