We’ve been talking about how MemoryTag pioneered greeting cards that say so much more than old greeting cards ever did including comedy, satire, irreverent sarcasm and other delicious and juicy things---with so much success that other card companies some related to the big corporate card guys are actually copying us.
In any event, a card can do so much; it can even get you the woman of your dreams.
Are you frustrated, lonely, a man unfulfilled, a man without a woman, a bitter person who goes home from your job on a Friday night, makes dinner for yourself, drinks a beer while you make your meager meal, while watching a small portable television on the counter next to your kitchen sink?
Is that the high point of your Friday night?
You’re in deep trouble and you know it. Sure you have your job. You have money to spend. But you crave attention, you crave love. Once again, tonight you are going to hug your pillow pretending it’s a goddess. You’re even considering going to a naughty toy shop and purchasing a blow-up doll for companionship.
This is disgusting, perverted, and you know it. A blow-up toy is no substitute for the real thing and true romance. Sure you have your job and you have money but what good is it if all you do is spend on yourself like that four-wheel-drive off-road Toyota land-cruiser you drive around rugged hills trying to act like a macho he-man and forget your aching loneliness and to prove to yourself you’re worth something.
Instead of a purposeless, loveless, loner, a wallflower lost in the oblivion of horny disenchantment, who takes long long showers to try and cope.
Sure you’ve tried, you went to that bar and saw a woman you might like and came up to her and said, “I seem to have lost my Olympic Gold Medal for skiing, have you seen it?” She didn’t buy your lie and said “Get lost creep” (she would have eventually demanded to see the medal anyway and you would have had to have a false one made).
You were humiliated, and slunk away like a whipped dog.
A bar isn’t a good place to meet a woman. A woman you meet at a bar is all too often the kind who will cause you pain. Or as Shirley MacLaine once said, “Is the F..ing you get, worth the F…ing you get?”
You go to the produce section of the grocery store hoping to meet an exciting female and there’s all that touching and squeezing of fruit----you get aroused---but there’s only that little old lady next to you who gives you a hostile stare because of the way you’re daydreaming caressing a casaba melon in your hands as though it were something else.
You go home frustrated. This is terrible life, so one-dimensional.
Get a MemoryTag greeting card.
MemoryTag is here to save the day.
Pick a card that has a romantic saying written on it and one possibility is the card that says “Hello Sunshine.” Women love to be compared to the warming rays of the sun.
Now you take your smartphone and downloading the patented MemoryTag app, you record a video greeting of yourself and place it on the small patch on the card. Make sure you wear respectable clothing a suit and tie and get a haircut. Try to look successful.
In the greeting keep your words high-brow, romantic, ethereal (that means nothing vulgar like you’ve got a great set of whatever body parts).
Try to act like a college professor. Say something like, “I have worshipped you from afar (worship is always a good word to use), I feel I have to tell you this even though I am certain you are too good for me (women equate self-depreciation with modesty), and though I have never had a relationship (establishes you as chaste, innocent, childlike, a turn-on for a woman), I have to tell you that I love you, I adore you, I just wanted you to know even though there is no chance for a flowering of love (hints at doomed Romeo and Juliet situation and also the blooming flower bit---this line is a winner).”
Take the card, place it in an envelope, and when you find the right person, perhaps sitting in a library, come up to her, hand her the card and say, “I just wanted you to have this, I wanted you to know how I feel.”
Then leave. Leave your email address on the card.
She will download the MemoryTag app to view your video greeting (leave instructions on the card).
If you hear nothing back, you have lost very little (MemoryTag cards can be purchased for a little as $1 per card).
You still have your dignity.
If you don’t hear back buy another card and try again with someone else.
If you do hear back from her you’re in business. You’re on your own from here. Good luck!
By John Sammon