How About Those Giants? Send Your Best or Worst Baseball Team a MemoryTag Greeting Card
By John Sammon
When we think of sending a greeting card we usually envision sending to a person…..a single person, but just as MemoryTag has expanded the playing field for cards, giving them video capability and allowing you to say on the card whatever you want. For example, the ability for the first time to do (video) comedy on a greeting card, using cards with a greater variety of printed messages on them than you can imagine, sarcastic, mocking, loving, or just plain weird.
What about enlarging the scope of whom you can send a card to? It doesn’t have to be a single person.
You can send a card to a thing…not a person…for instance a government agency you don’t like; or express your frustration with an airline where they dragged you off the plane by force after you refused to give up your seat to an airline employee.
Greetings on a card don’t have to be friendly.
The possibilities are endless.
How about a sports team?
We know that paying compliments and loving greetings to a good team like the Chicago Cubs (won the World Series in 2016) is a natural, but how about a lousy team? This is a team you support and root for and lets you down with incompetent play, and overpriced stars who suck and who get paid millions of dollars to suck. In no other profession (except acting and politics) can you be paid so much money to figuratively suck a big pickle as in sports, or to be a team that one might describe as “SH’T” (that means human excrement).
For instance what about those San Francisco Giants? As a team they weren’t that bad, not as bad as the Minnesota Twins, who finished in last place in their league in 2016 compiling more losses (103) than anyone else. You have to be a masochist to appreciate the Minnesota Twins.
Nevertheless the San Francisco Giants have their own players with who you can express frustration on a card that you deliver to the team.
Denard Span is a centerfielder who makes $3 million and who last season batted an average 266, which when you factor in the cost versus the benefit of Span’s play, is the equivalent of driving a car that gets one mile per gallon.
You could say in a card, “Denard, since you have a hole in your mitt and missed all those catches and throws, the least you can do is have the decency to hit. I love the Giants and you’re killin’ me! The objective is to get on base, Denard.”
Or, how about right fielder Hunter Pence?
Pence is one of those players who hits well when he’s healthy, but he always gets hurt and then hits .154. Pence is paid $18 million. The message on the card you could give him is, “Hunter, I figure the way you played last year you owe me $15.6 million. We’re talkin’ gross here and I’m charging interest. Stay away from sharp objects and don’t slip in the bathtub and learn how to bunt.”
How about that pitcher Matt Moore, whose 5.73 ERA (3.50 is considered good) means that even I stand a good chance of getting a hit off him. In fairness Moore has made strikeouts but he walks a lot of players too. I would say to him, “Matt! Would you stop imitating a below-average player and get the ball low and over the plate? Here’s what you do. Deliberately throw the ball high. You’ll probably hit the strike zone that way. That will help you a lot. The objective here is to get batters out Matt, understand?”
The same could be said for the other Matt, pitcher Matt Cain, who gets paid $20 million, that’s $2 million for each point of his sky-high nearly 10 point ERA. Called “Big Sugar” because of his physical size, Cain nevertheless allowed 16 hits in a few games with just five strikeouts.
I would say to him, “Matt, it can only get better from here. Oh I see what you’re doing. You’re playing like sh’t on purpose, right? That way when you improve into just a mediocre player later in the season it makes you look even better, right? If you’re that clever you should be in the U.S. Senate and not in baseball.
Giants General Manager Bobby Evans summed up Cain’s troubles, too many pitches that invite “Too much hard contact.”
Yes I would be the first to agree that offering up a constantly occurring round-robin of easy home runs to batters in baseball can be somewhat problematic.
Simply upload your message to the Giants by recording it on your smartphone, then place the video on the small patch on the MemoryTag card. Put it in an envelope and go to a game and walk down to the player’s dugout and drop the card over the side. Leave written instructions on the card for the players who pick up your card, to also download the MemoryTag app, so they can view your message on their smartphone.
There you are in all your glory, a loyal fan, encouraging your favorite team not to be anal and to justify their robber-baron salaries.
You might finish your message with, “Since I have to pay $20 for a hot dog, you better produce a good season you clown!” For information go to https://memorytag.cards/.